ALL SCI-FI

[Bud Brewster]

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As I've stated in several posts which have discussed the existence of alien spacecraft in our skies, I'm a UFO "agnostic" — someone who neither believes nor disbelieves in a given subject which is difficult to prove.

However, since I enjoy nothing more than doing the thing which best-selling author Larry Niven calls "playing with ideas", here are a few semi-serious theories concerning UFOs which attempt to explain why they do puzzling things, like —

~ flying around in tiny spacecraft with no apparent purpose,

~ abducting people and then bring them back,

~ performing inexplicable medical procedures, like anal probes,

~ placing "alien implants" into people,

~ erasing their victims memories when they ought to know that their victims' wild stories wouldn't be believed anyway, and —

~ traveling millions of light years to a planet populated by a race of beings with inferior technology, erratic behavior, no planetary government, and an insane tendency to start wars!

So, with no attempt at being serious . . . here's my serious attempt to be imaginative by presenting explanations for the mysterious things our alien visitors allegedly do.
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Fly around in tiny spacecraft

Ever seen the movie Fast & Furious?

No? Well, me neither.

But it's about crazy young people who love their hi-tech hot rods. So they zoom around just for the fun of it and outrun the Police — who drive vastly inferior vehicles and can't catch 'em.

Sound like a description of UFO behavior? (The obvious answer is, hell yes! )

Gentlemen, can we really assume that an advanced alien species would NOT have reckless, immature youths (like we do) who build souped-up starships and enjoy making fools of the witless earthlings by racing around our planet and scoffing at our attempts to catch them in antiquated aircraft?

Abducting people and then bring them back

If they bring the abductees back unharmed, obviously they didn't abduct them for malicious reasons.

Therefore, maybe the aliens had some way of being aware that some tragic event was about to take place in the abductees life within the next few hours — like an impending car accident — and they wanted to save the human's life!

After all, many abductees have reported that they were taken from their cars on lonely roads. So, what if the aliens were somehow aware that delaying the humans would save them from a fatal car accident!

Just a thought, folks. Just a thought . . .

Performing inexplicable procedures, like anal probes

This one is easy!

If the aliens are Good Guys and they have advanced medical procedures, perhaps they abduct humans who need medical treatments which our own doctors aren't able to do yet!

For example, the anal probes the aliens perform are actually colonoscopies which are much less unpleasant than the damn thing my own doctor keeps nagging me to get!

Consider this.

My good friend of six years, the late Bulldogtrekker, had one those . . . and he told me what it was like. Folks. let's just say I'd rather be abducted by aliens and get their version of this procedure than the one a proctologist would perform!

Place "alien implants" into people

This one is easy, too!

When your friendly doctor performs some necessary treatment, naturally he wants to see you again in a week or two so he can make sure you're doing okay.

Well, ditto for your friendly alien physician after he's fixed you up with his advanced alien medical procedure! But he can't very well schedule you for a follow up visit and have his attractive receptionist call to remind you of the appointment!

Therefore, the implants are tracking devices so Dr. ET can find you easily and bring you back up to the mother ship for a quick checkup on your progress!

Erase their victims memories when they ought to know the victim's wild stories won't be believe anyway

Again, an easy thing to explain.

Curiosity killed the cat. Maybe alien curiosity stops short of killing, but they can't resist poking around in the strange bodies of captured humans just to find out what makes us tick.

After all, our tickers are different from their tickers, so if they want humans to benefit from their advanced medical procedures so they can cure the poor humans of things which the aliens can easily fix, they need to fully understand the physiology of the human race!

But the memory of those alien "doctors" has given several abductees serious mental problems, so the aliens attempt to erase those memories — although not always successfully.

Travel millions of light years to our planet, which seems so unworthy of their help . . .

Well, heck — I seemed to have answered this one already.

Despite the fact that we're a race of beings with inferior technology, erratic behavior, no planetary government, and an insane tendency to start wars — we're obviously a race who is desperately in need of their help!

With that in mind, a race of mentally and morally superior beings who possess the ability to solve many of our problems would feel a moral obligation to actually do so — even if they had do it all "on the sleigh", without reveling their existence.

Anyway, these are my thoughts on the subject. I'm eager to hear yours, right here on All Sci-Fi.
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Is there no man on Earth who has the wisdom and innocence of a child?
~ The Space Children (1958)

[Gord Green]

How can a mere mortal dare to perceive the motive of Gods???
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There comes a time, thief, when gold loses its lustre, and the gems cease to sparkle, and the throne room becomes a prison; and all that is left is a father's love for his child.