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If I were an Evil Overlord...

 
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Krel
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PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2019 7:08 pm    Post subject: If I were an Evil Overlord... Reply with quote

First there was the "Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord" list. The list, lists the top 100 mistakes a Killian WOULD NOT do. Then it was expanded, and other lists were added.

This site has those lists: http://www.worldconquer.org/evil_overlord.html

Read, laugh and enjoy. Remember Boys and Girls, violence is NOT the answer. It is the question. YES is the answer.

David.
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Bud Brewster
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PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2019 2:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

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I've looked a small portion on the website so far, but I really like it. From The original Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord and The aditional 131 things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord, here are some of the items I thought were especially good.

I included the numbers of the ones I actually chose, just to show how selective I was. Bear in mind, however, that some are funnier than others, and after a few of them make you giggle, you'll become more amused by the ones that follow.

It's funny how that works. Literally. Very Happy
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3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head!

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

65. If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door, and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door — not vice versa.

109. I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.

116. If I capture the hero's starship, I will keep it in the landing bay with the ramp down, only a few token guards on duty and a ton of explosives set to go off as soon as it clears the blast-range.

117. No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling, "Leave him. He's mine!"

120. Since nothing is more irritating than a hero defeating you with basic math skills, all of my personal weapons will be modified to fire one more shot than the standard issue.

123. If I decide to hold a contest of skill open to the general public, contestants will be required to remove their hooded cloaks and shave their beards before entering.

126. Rather than having only one secret escape pod, which the hero can easily spot and follow, I'll simultaneously launch a few dozen decoys to throw him off track.

130. All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.

133. If I find my beautiful consort with access to my fortress has been associating with the hero, I'll have her executed. It's regrettable, but new consorts are easier to get than new fortresses, and maybe the next one will pay attention at the orientation meeting.

134. If I am escaping in a large truck and the hero is pursuing me in a small Italian sports car, I will not wait for the hero to pull up along side of me and try to force him off the road as he attempts to climb aboard. Instead I will slam on the brakes when he's directly behind me. (A rudimentary knowledge of physics can prove quite useful.)

136. If I build a bomb, I will simply remember which wire to cut if it has to be deactivated and make every wire red.

139. If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)

176. I will add indelible blue dye to the moat. It won't stop anyone from swimming across, but even dim-witted guards should be able to figure out when someone has entered in this fashion.

181. I will decree that all hay be shipped in tightly-packed bales. Any wagonload of loose hay attempting to pass through a checkpoint will be set on fire.

194. I will make several ludicrously erroneous maps to secret passages in my fortress and hire travellers to entrust them to aged hermits.

221. My force-field generators will be located inside the force field they generate.

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Is there no man on Earth who has the wisdom and innocence of a child?
~ The Space Children (1958)
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Pow
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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2019 1:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This list is so brilliant and comprehensive that I sincerely doubt that anyone could script a way to defeat the evil Overlord for a movie or TV series.
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Eadie
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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2019 2:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wasn't the Evil Overlord created by Roger Stone in Robert A. Heinlein's The Rolling Stones (original title: Space Family Stone)?
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Bud Brewster
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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2019 2:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

________________________________

I'd forgotten I'd written the piece below, and I can't find any place where I've already posted it, but it's humor in the same vain as the "Evil Overlord" website, and it's obviously inspired by the famous "Things I've learned while watching movies".

Anyway, I'll share it here with guys here. Cool
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Things I’ve learned while watching Supergirl, The Flash, Arrow, and DC Legends of Tomorrow.
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* A small mask that only covers the area around the eyes will hide a superhero’s identity from absolutely everyone — even his closets friends and family members. Scientific studies have proven that the lower half of people’s faces all look alike and provide no clues as to the person’s identity. And for some reason, the mask disguises their voice as well.

* When a disaster strikes and fast action is required, a superhero can jump into his skintight outfit in less time than it takes the average person to change their socks.

* A superhero can wear a hood to protect his secret identity . . . despite the fact that it does not hide his face, and it does block his peripheral vision. However, this will never be a problem (for reasons that are too secret and complex to explain here).

* A superhero’s costume is always hidden somewhere on their person. The place it’s hidden is also where he puts his street clothes after the quick change, including his wallet, comb, handkerchief, keys, and spare change. That way, nobody can find his regular clothes lying around right after a superhero just happened to showed up. A wallet containing a picture I.D. would be especially embarrassing under these circumstances.

* Women superheroes wear form-fitting leather outfits because they’re so practical, comfortable, and inconspicuous. It allows them to blend in with crowds of average people, and they’re movements aren’t the least bit restricted by their tight costumes.

* Female crime fighters and villainesses increase their effectiveness by wearing low-cut tops which display generous amounts of heaving bosoms. This facilitates respiration and helps cool the body. The fact that such costumes are highly erotic and extremely vain is a complete coincidence.

* Female superheroes punch just as hard as male superheroes, despite having smaller fists and smaller muscles. Scientific studies have shown that wearing spike heels and skintight costumes with low-cut necklines greatly enhances their physical strength. However, for unknown reasons, this does not work for men. Only women.

* Attractive women who fight crime have learned that the best footwear for running, jumping, climbing, and fighting are stiletto heeled boots. These make them taller and more imposing to their foes, they allow them to run faster because their legs are longer, and the spiked heels are lethal weapons when used in kicking.

* When exchanging fire with the bad guys, stand right out in the open and blast away. Only sissies take cover and prevent the bad guys from having a clear shot.

* When holding a gun on someone, you must stand close to them for the gun to be effective — preferably within arm’s reach. Even though this makes it easy for the person to knock the gun out of your hand, if you’re not standing close, the bullet will probably just bounce off or something.

* When a dozen bad guys are shooting at good guys, they rarely hit them because they’re several yards away. See the above item for further info on this phenomenon.

* A superhero can have a secret high-tech base of operations that would normally require several months to build, employing a large crew of skilled workers. However, to protect his secret identity he can do all the work himself, with just a little help from a few loyal sidekicks whose construction experience is confined to Legos when they were nine years old.

* Being thrown across a room and smashing large pieces of furniture on impact only stuns a superhero. However, normal people are rendered unconscious until the villain leaves, after which they get up and state that they’re all right.

* People who have never smoked a day in their lives will always have an old fashion metal cigarette lighter in their pocket when they enter a dark cave or a deserted warehouse. These lighters are preferred because they give off far more light than other types, enough in fact to illuminate a large area.

* Technical wizards who do amazing things with computer don’t actually need to find the right keys to type, they just have move their fingers rapidly on the keyboard while gazing intently at the monitor. All the info they need will appear on the screen faster than any normal computer which is commercially available.

* Superheroes who use fancy archery equipment always find it surprising easy to reach back to their arrow-packed quivers and grab the specific trick arrow they need. They can do this repeatedly, with lightning speed. They never grab the wrong arrow and blow up the person whom they just wanted to trap with a net.

* Specialty arrows with long cables can be fired into solid concrete from several hundred feet away, to provide instant zip lines for superheroes. They’ll never just bounce off, and they’ll never pull loose, regardless of the load placed on them.

* When specialty arrows with cables are fired straight up, they’ll not only anchor solidly into some unseen surface in the dark region above the superhero, his bow will suddenly function as a power wench and yank him right up into the night quicker than an Alabama fisherman can snatch a catfish from a creek.

* Cells that are used by villains to hold Superheroes (or vice versa) never have toilet facilities like normal jails. This proves that the elaborate outfits which heroes and villains wear will never cause embarrassing bathroom accidents. Super-people (both good and bad) do not poop.

* Both villains and heroes have the remarkable ability to simple appear suddenly nearby and then vanish when they finish talking to someone. However, the person must turn around first and look the other way for a moment. When they turn back, the villain or hero is gone. The puzzled person will never think to just look behind the nearest obstruction to see if said villain or hero is hiding there. That’s because it is impossible to simply hide behind something so you can’t be seen.
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I shall share more interesting observations as I continue my study of these highly realistic and educational programs.

_________________
____________
Is there no man on Earth who has the wisdom and innocence of a child?
~ The Space Children (1958)


Last edited by Bud Brewster on Sat May 11, 2019 9:53 am; edited 1 time in total
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Krel
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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2019 11:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have never smoked a day in my life, and have no intentions of ever doing so, but I do carry a Zippo lighter with me. Originally out of courtesy, but then you never know when fire could be useful.

I also carry a notepad, with pen and mechanical pencil. A knife (rule no. 9), a compact, variable lumen L.E.D. flashlight* (a habit I got into, when I worked at a movie theater, but it has been very useful over the years) and a small tape measure (it's amazing how many times that's been useful). I have small blade and phillips head screwdrivers with my keys. I carry a small digital camera, because you never know when you'll see something interesting. When traveling, or out for the day, I also carry a Leatherman Super Tool.

Looking at what I wrote, I carry around a lot of stuff with me. Laughing

David.

*Before L.E.D. flashlights, I carried a xenon bulb light. Then after blinding everyone in a dimly-lit restaurant, I added a small AA battery light.
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