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Bud Brewster
Galactic Fleet Admiral (site admin)
Joined: 14 Dec 2013
Posts: 17637
Location: North Carolina
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 Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2015 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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No, this is the dumbbell thread. The doorbell thread is right next door.
But you'll have to knock, because the doorbell doesn't work! 
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Is there no man on Earth who has the wisdom and innocence of a child?
~ The Space Children (1958)
Last edited by Bud Brewster on Thu Feb 08, 2024 9:36 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Bud Brewster
Galactic Fleet Admiral (site admin)
Joined: 14 Dec 2013
Posts: 17637
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2018 2:14 pm Post subject: |
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________________________________
I discovered today that my story in the first post above had suffered some damage when All Sci-Fi was moved from Randy Everett's serve to its current one. Some of the punctuation (such as Em dashes) were gone, and it made a few sentences read poorly.
I also fixed a few misspelled words.
Overall I think the story reads pretty well, but the interesting replies on this thread reveal the fact that each writer has his own preferred style, and we had a great discussion about the different ways we each used punctuation.
Custer's comment about how he wondered when the story would start showing elements of science fiction made me realize that everyone who read it would be justified in wondering the same thing! 
I mean, heck, this is All Sci-Fi and yet I just threw in this piece of comedic fiction without prefacing it with a brief explanation for why it steps outside the board's focus!
Sorry about that folks. I added a brief "message to the reader" at the top, just to fix that error.
If you haven't read the story before, or even if it's been a few years, give it a try. I hope it makes you smile here and there. 
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Is there no man on Earth who has the wisdom and innocence of a child?
~ The Space Children (1958)
Last edited by Bud Brewster on Thu Feb 08, 2024 9:30 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Custer
Space Sector Commander
Joined: 22 Aug 2015
Posts: 929
Location: Earth
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2018 3:09 pm Post subject: |
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It's still great fun - and I can't help thinking that a science fictional version could work, as well. A hovercar, maybe a visitor from another planet... I can see the cover painting on a fifties issue of Galaxy now!
Oh, and the loose/lose I mentioned is in paragraph seven.  |
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orzel-w
Galactic Ambassador
Joined: 19 Sep 2014
Posts: 1865
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2018 3:28 pm Post subject: |
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As long as Custer is still exercising vigilance on this, I'll add a couple hints of my own on the last half-dozen lines of dialog, which have thus far escaped the editing effort. (This is not an exhaustive list. I noticed these in a casual glance at the end of the story.)
| Quote: | "What in the world are you talking about, Sweetheart?"
"Go get cleaned up, Dear. You're taking us out to eat."
"After all these years, I still can't tell when you're serious and when you're kidding." |
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WayneO
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Bud Brewster
Galactic Fleet Admiral (site admin)
Joined: 14 Dec 2013
Posts: 17637
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2018 4:51 pm Post subject: |
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________________________________
Thanks, guys! I've fixed the items you listed, and I hope you'll point out the other fifty or sixty mistakes! 
As the King of Typos, I hereby bestow knighthood upon you both and proclaim that as defenders of the realm you must sally forth and prove that the pen is mightier than the sword . . . even for noble knight errants!
_________________
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Is there no man on Earth who has the wisdom and innocence of a child?
~ The Space Children (1958)
Last edited by Bud Brewster on Thu Feb 08, 2024 9:32 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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scotpens
Space Sector Commander
Joined: 19 Sep 2014
Posts: 919
Location: The Left Coast
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| Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Bud Brewster wrote: | | Custer's comment about how he wondered when the story would start showing elements of science fiction made me realize that everyone who read it would be justified in wondering the same thing! |
Yes, it starts out like some of those old Twilight Zone episodes with a suburban setting. A reader might well be thinking, "So, when do we find out the new neighbors are really from another planet?"
Anyway, thanks for the disclaimer. It's still a cute story.
Oh, and in the paragraph that starts with "Gladys lead Barbara through the obstacle course created by the yard sale boxes," it should be spelled "led." |
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Bud Brewster
Galactic Fleet Admiral (site admin)
Joined: 14 Dec 2013
Posts: 17637
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2018 4:07 pm Post subject: |
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| scotpens wrote: | | Oh, and in the paragraph that starts with "Gladys lead Barbara through the obstacle course created by the yard sale boxes," it should be spelled "led." |
Thanks! I think I'm a good writer . . . but I KNOW I'm a terrible proof reader. 
_________________
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Is there no man on Earth who has the wisdom and innocence of a child?
~ The Space Children (1958)
Last edited by Bud Brewster on Thu Feb 08, 2024 9:33 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Eadie
Galactic Ambassador
Joined: 14 Dec 2013
Posts: 1670
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| Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 12:12 am Post subject: |
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| Bud Brewster wrote: | No, this is the dumbbell thread. The doorbell thread is right next door.
But you'll have to knock, because the doorbell doesn't work! |
To quote from The Wizard of Oz:
"Bell out of order. Please knock"
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Art Should Comfort the Disturbed and Disturb the Comfortable. |
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Bud Brewster
Galactic Fleet Admiral (site admin)
Joined: 14 Dec 2013
Posts: 17637
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2024 2:40 pm Post subject: |
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| scotpens wrote: | | Bud Brewster wrote: | | Custer's comment about how he wondered when the story would start showing elements of science fiction made me realize that everyone who read it would be justified in wondering the same thing! |
Yes, it starts out like some of those old Twilight Zone episodes with a suburban setting. A reader might well be thinking, "So, when do we find out the new neighbors are really from another planet?"
Anyway, thanks for the disclaimer. It's still a cute story.
Oh, and in the paragraph that starts with "Gladys lead Barbara through the obstacle course created by the yard sale boxes," it should be spelled "led." |
_________________
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Is there no man on Earth who has the wisdom and innocence of a child?
~ The Space Children (1958) |
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